the delicate decade

i have never been in such a hurry to enjoy the moment in my entire life.

Credit: Laura Wheeler, Waring Family Collection.

Every now and then, I think about how kids today will be able to reminisce on their own childhoods in 4K/120FPS. The ability to capture every detail, down to the pore, strikes me as both strange and remarkable.

A New Drorwer, 2007.

When I was 7, I owned my very own Hello Kitty diary. I wrote in it nearly every day, sharing a highlight or lowlight of my day. Significant or otherwise. Looking back, it all felt pretty significant.

And I was unstoppable for someone who couldn’t spell the word “drawer”.

“Come Thrifting W/ Me + Haul on YouTube”, 2017.

When I was 17, I had a YouTube channel. I’d take my audience with me to my first day of junior year or on a trip to my favorite thrift store, complete with a haul. I enjoyed documenting these moments of my life.

The thought of preserving them felt both exciting and growingly existential.

Now, I am 24 and it all still feels pretty significant and strange and remarkable and exciting and increasingly existential. Being in my twenties feels like I am constantly running into time as much as I am running out of it.

I have never been in such a hurry to enjoy the moment in my entire life.

@Bonitravo on TikTok, 2023.

I document my life just about every day now. As some of you may know, a large part of my online identity is tethered to TikTok, and sometimes Instagram. I enjoy it. I enjoy getting to play with makeup that at one time gaslit me into thinking my shade never existed. I enjoy meeting people who recognize me when I’m out walking my dog or grocery shopping. It catches me off guard every time, but in a cute gratitude-y way.

I enjoy feeling both abundant and oblivious.

My Dresser and Things, 2024.

This decade of my life does feel more delicate than the others. I don’t know if it’s because my frontal lobe is developing or if it’s just made that way for everyone else. I have never felt so delicate yet so extraordinary at the same time. And I don’t know if I like or hate the idea that nothing will ever be the same. But I do know that the past is a place of reference, not residence. I am learning to be where my feet are but sometimes when I look down, I also look back. But I think that’s okay.

Suddenly I am 7, I am 17, and I am 24. I am everything I have ever been and everything that I will become.

How lucky am I to be in such great company.

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Here is where you will find the products on my vanity that I’ve been particularly fond of this week. Some new, some old, and some in between.

SKINCARE

• Skin 1004 Centella Water-Fit Sun Serum SPF 50 PA++++ ($8)

  This is the only sunscreen I have ever finished to completion not once, not twice, but four times now. I absolutely love this sunscreen, especially as someone with sensitive skin, I don’t see me parting ways with this one anytime soon.

FRAGRANCE

• Orebella by Bella Hadid Perfume in Salted Muse ($100)

  I had lunch with my beautiful friend Billie last week. We hugged and I knew immediately I needed exactly what she was wearing. A salty, amber, woodsy heaven, I wear this every day now.

MAKEUP

• Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Freeze Gel ($26)

  People ask me if my brows are laminated so often, I’ve started to second guess it myself. This stuff is amazing.

• Refy Summer Color Lip and Cheek Collection in Papaya ($45)

  This shade is the summer shade for me. It’s the perfect blend of orange and red on every skin tone. You get a blush for your cheeks, your lips and a tinted gloss. It’s beautiful.

& That’s all for now.

Thank you for being here,

Toni <3