Every now and then, I think about how kids today will be able to reminisce on their own childhoods in 4K/120FPS. The ability to capture every detail, down to the pore, strikes me as both strange and remarkable.
When I was 7, I owned my very own Hello Kitty diary. I wrote in it nearly every day, sharing a highlight or lowlight of my day. Significant or otherwise. Looking back, it all felt pretty significant.
And I was unstoppable for someone who couldn’t spell the word “drawer”.
When I was 17, I had a YouTube channel. I’d take my audience with me to my first day of junior year or on a trip to my favorite thrift store, complete with a haul. I enjoyed documenting these moments of my life.
The thought of preserving them felt both exciting and growingly existential.
Now, I am 24 and it all still feels pretty significant and strange and remarkable and exciting and increasingly existential. Being in my twenties feels like I am constantly running into time as much as I am running out of it.
I have never been in such a hurry to enjoy the moment in my entire life.
I document my life just about every day now. As some of you may know, a large part of my online identity is tethered to TikTok, and sometimes Instagram. I enjoy it. I enjoy getting to play with makeup that at one time gaslit me into thinking my shade never existed. I enjoy meeting people who recognize me when I’m out walking my dog or grocery shopping. It catches me off guard every time, but in a cute gratitude-y way.
I enjoy feeling both abundant and oblivious.
This decade of my life does feel more delicate than the others. I don’t know if it’s because my frontal lobe is developing or if it’s just made that way for everyone else. I have never felt so delicate yet so extraordinary at the same time. And I don’t know if I like or hate the idea that nothing will ever be the same. But I do know that the past is a place of reference, not residence. I am learning to be where my feet are but sometimes when I look down, I also look back. But I think that’s okay.
Suddenly I am 7, I am 17, and I am 24. I am everything I have ever been and everything that I will become.
How lucky am I to be in such great company.
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Here is where you will find the products on my vanity that I’ve been particularly fond of this week. Some new, some old, and some in between.
SKINCARE
Skin 1004 Centella Water-Fit Sun Serum SPF 50 PA++++ ($8)
This is the only sunscreen I have ever finished to completion not once, not twice, but four times now. I absolutely love this sunscreen, especially as someone with sensitive skin, I don’t see me parting ways with this one anytime soon.
FRAGRANCE
Orebella by Bella Hadid Perfume in Salted Muse ($100)
I had lunch with my beautiful friend Billie last week. We hugged and I knew immediately I needed exactly what she was wearing. A salty, amber, woodsy heaven, I wear this every day now.
MAKEUP
Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Freeze Gel ($26)
People ask me if my brows are laminated so often, I’ve started to second guess it myself. This stuff is amazing.
Refy Summer Color Lip and Cheek Collection in Papaya ($45)
This shade is the summer shade for me. It’s the perfect blend of orange and red on every skin tone. You get a blush for your cheeks, your lips and a tinted gloss. It’s beautiful.
& That’s all for now.
Thank you for being here,
Toni <3
Feels like I’m constantly running into time as much as I’m running out of it…deeply felt. Being 24 is a crazy time whole lot transitions, letting go but I’m learning to take it in stride 🫶🏾
feeling delicate in your twenties is so true and i think it’s because we know what we do now will show up in our thirties. but you’re doing so well angel <33